Laughter is the best medicine:Medical Jokes

Need Samples
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?""What did he say? What's he want?"His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."


Good and Bad News
An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"Patient: "Well, give me the bad news first."Doctor: "You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left."Patient: "Oh no! That's awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this??"Doctor: "You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you."


A Brief History Of Medicine
A short history of medicine:I have an earache.2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root1000 A.D. - That root is heathen, say this prayer.1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.


A Mother at 65!
With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says "not yet." A little later they ask to see the baby again.Again the mother says "not yet."Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?" And the mother says, "When the baby cries." And they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"The new mother says, "because I forgot where I put it."


QUICK PERILS OF DRINKING
Doctor: "It's no good. I can't find anything wrong with you. It must just be the effects of drinking."Patient: "I'll come back when you're sober then!"


My Wife is Deaf
A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. "Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things."
"Well," the doctor replied, "go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply move about 5 feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness."
Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"